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Wintering, draws out our true nature.

hmariellaburns

Updated: Jan 14




“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." Camus


A few years ago I discovered my own invincible summer. As Camus explains, life is about polarity, there are always opposites. We cannot see the darkness without light. We will not know happiness until we have experienced sadness. We know pain only because of it's absence in our lives.


Whilst Camus writes about the inevitability of the tug and tensions of life, who wouldn't rather take the good stuff and leave the bad. Who'd love to take the pleasure without the pain, the happiness without the heartbreak, or the joy without the misery.


We know deep down there is no life without polarity and that life unfolds before us in so many ways, some joyful and some painfully sad. Some moments make us want to belly laugh out loud and others feel like we can't breathe and that we shall die. It's so easy to want only those experiences that make us feel good. In anciety Greece when the Gods wanted to punish someone they game them everything they ever wanted. The lesson being that we cannot live a good life without acepting the whole spectrum of experiences and feelings. Amor fati comes from Latin and is the idea that the more we can let go and embrace what comes our way or 'to love ones fate,' the less we will experience suffering. Suffering comes from expectations that a situation external to ourselves will be a certain way and trying to exert control over that which we have no control over. This is a very different way of looking at why we feel anxious, worried or struggling. It is not our natural state but comes from trying to control something external to us.


Fortunately we can learn to control one thing that is vital in living...our breath. So literally in the midst of winter 13 December in all of my despair I took my first plunge into the icy grey Irish Sea. As I felt as if I was going to be swallowed whole by the freezing cold murkiness a force inside of me began to push right back. It began as panic across my whole body and then mind. I tried desperately to take a breath, but the sea would not let me. My friend Elliot was already submerged and his manly murmerings were soon drowned by my life curdling screams.



The freezing cold murkiness of the Irish Sea.
The freezing cold murkiness of the Irish Sea.


As Katherine May describes in her book Wintering "Our work is not to defeat the natural forces of sadness, death, the dark. Our journey is to learn to live with them." That day, the Irish sea helped to draw out my true nature - as I did what I'd practiced on my yoga mat, I began to control my breath. With this I felt a gradual calm arise and flow through my chest. An ability to let go and be carried when in the eye of a fiere storm. I could breathe when I felt I was about to die... and then I laughed my tits off!


Most of my life I have spent trying to escape the UK winter. I would head out to Sout East asia for 3-4 weeks, reluctantly returning to an even drearier January. Winter felt like a sad, harsh, dark and lonely place. Learning to appreciate and actually welcome winter has been once of the greatest reframes of my life. Appreciating the beauty of a cyclical seasonal process rather than wanting to escape or wish for a sunny straight line is a revelation. I love the sun, but I love the winter too.


These days cold showers and ice tubs on the patio are commonplace (thank you Wim Hoff). So many of us are searching for meaning and aliveness in a world of comfort. So many of us are wanting to experience the (life) force inside of us that is pushing right back against the challenges of living but also the unbearable lightness of a materialistic consumerist and islolating culture.


It's the aliveness you feel when you hold your breath for as long as you can and then you are forced by "something stronger – something better, pushing right back” to take that breath and live.


Aside from the immediate benefits I've also learnt how cold water swimming has longer term health and specifically nervous system benefits. There are also some severe and life threatening risks which I won't go into here, non-the-less they frequently occur in both beginners and seasoned swimmers.


Cold water immersion:

  • Subjects the body to extreme stress and you have to dig deep to find a calm spot within, the mechanism for this is harnessing the breath. As we know breathwork is a practice and the more resistance we offer the breath the more we can build resilience into out nervous system.

  • Can reduce fat within the body. This requires immersion for a significant period of time to the point where we begin to shake. It takes less time in moving water such as swiming in the sea or lake.

  • Increases adrenaline after a period of time. We get that wonderful hit and everything feels a little more heightened and alive.

  • Tends to draw groups together. It's a leveller for people from all kinds of backgrounds coming together in a very naked and human way. This promotes connection, bonding and the release of oxytocin and makes us feel cosy and loved.

  • Puts us back into nature. Nature has a way of drawing out our Nature. We let go of who we think we should be and come back to who we truly are beneath the mask. A moment in our relaxed state free from tension we carry in our body and mind is an experience that we can repeat. The more we do this, the harder it is to want to be any other way.

  • Is free or definitely not expensive.


Last year I took my wintering to the next level, I moved to the Highlands of Scotland next to a loch. It's been a dream of mine to live in nature rather than visit it and I finally took the plunge (sorry for the punn). My latest swim was the coldest but somehow I seemed the most relaxed. The winter sun shone and the temperature fell but my breath was deep...no more shallow living for me.

My new swimming spot, Loch Eck.

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