Red flags when choosing a therapist or coach.

Red flags when selecting a therapist.

• Person Centred Therapy This is the therapeutic approach taught to newly qualified counsellors or therapist. This approach is restrictive and in my opinion should not be offered to many people. The primary modality is listening and reflecting back. If you approach therapy as a need to vent then this may be right up your street. But it's not therapy. When we are in crisis we need direction, role modelling, ideas for growth, tools to help us navigate life's challenges and wisdom to give us perspective. The greatest therapists are extraordinary listeners, but extraordinary listeners don't make great therapists.

• One how a week required. This is an arbitrary recommendation. It allows a therapist to make a living but it is not always good therapy. Sometimes more is needed and at other times it's a top up.

• One trick pony. A therapist who applies one approach to every life situation even when a different approach would be more effective. Abraham Maslow, suggested that "If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail". 

• Wounded Hero The most common reason sited on application forms as why the person wants to become a counsellor or psychotherapist is because they too have been wounded and want to help others. The wounded healer is a great archetype for a therapist but only if they have done the work themselves. Many wounded healers are actually using 'displacement'. Working with others to avoid doing the work themselves. Most of the therapists and therapeutic teachers have been inadequately qualified to work as a therapist or train or other therapists because of this reason.

• Qualifications do not make the therapist. Being a therapist is character driven, no matter how many qualifications we seek, we cannot turn ourselves into a therapist. A therapeutic qualification will not heal. They need to have done their work. Ask your therapist about their daily routine. Ask them about their psychological, biological and spiritual health. Not in search of perfection but because they need to walk their talk

• Lack of connection. Ultimately we want to feel safe. Our nervous system feels comfortable with some nervous systems over others. This is influenced by qualities, shared values, background and experiences. Check out their website, what they do and what they love. This relationship can make or break you. If you are going to invest in yourself and your future be sure to look beyond the 'professional' mask.