The Myth of the "High Functioning" Woman.

The high functioning woman is composed, naturally polished, self-driven and her nervous and hormonal systems, apparently, perfectly calibrated. She is resilient, good in a crisis, calm under pressure and stays long after everyone else has gone home. The high functioning woman meets or exceeds societal expectations for her productivity, responsibility, daily routines, achievement and is assumed, above all else, to be effortlessly well and thriving.

This myth is so ingrained into every aspect of our culture it can be impossible to see. Any deviation is seen as less than. Because of this women mask their needs, refute the idea of support and over function to maintain the appearance of perfectionism.

Jung understood true functionality differently. Crucially he viewed it as the life long process of detaching ourselves from the collective, societal and familial conditioning to allow the person to become who they were always intended to be...a unique individual who is able to express who they are fully.

The myth of the high functioning women is insidiously part of our society. We learn about it from our parents, grandparents, school, church, work and even strangers. It's promoted by social media, especially the self-help and wellness arenas. The high functioning woman is able to heal from trauma whilst building a career and family without a single hair out of place. Their perfectly curated lifestyles distort reality and promote unrealistic comparisons

Corporate life for decades advised women to "lean in" forgetting to mention that those who had reached the higher echelons of their profession had outsourced the rest of their life to minimum wage support workers or a stay at home husband.

The high functioning myth equates professional success with personal well-being whilst masking the physical and psychological challenges within.

Dr Suzanne Steinbaum suggests that many women who appear highly functioning may be overriding their own needs because they are biologically predisposed. Oestrogen is a caretaking hormone, one that actively encourages women to people-please, avoid conflict and to prioritise others' needs. During perimenopause women consistently report what Steinbaum describes as less tolerance for what no longer serves them, alongside stronger boundaries and a sharper focus on their own needs.

This also connects directly to statistics in women's health. Between 70% and 80% of people with autoimmune diseases are female. While hormonal and chromosomal factors play a role, Dr Gabor Maté argues that the prevalence is significantly driven by suppressed emotion, chronic stress, and trauma. When women are culturally conditioned to place everyone else's needs before their own, the cost is physiological. The immune system begins to attack the body that went unheard. Further down the line the high functioning women who mask their struggles are more likely to experience burnout and autoimmune conditions. Pretending undermines our immune system which turns us against ourselves. Maté identifies several behavioural patterns common to this suppression:

• People-pleasing, politeness or niceness

• Suppression of healthy anger and inability to assert boundaries

• Inability to say 'No' and set limits.

• Placing the emotional needs of others above our own

• Rigid identification with duty, roles, expectations and obligations

• The need to control and manage everything to feel safe.

• Suppressing "negative" emotions like sadness or fear

The high functioning myth encourages us to take on these behaviours and cognitive distortion allows us to manage the gap between who we are and who we purport to be. We are rewarded for our effort with a wardrobe of designer clothes, a more desirable car or an enviable social life. And cover any cracks in our self deception with adaptive beliefs such as 'fake it til you make it' or blocking and numbing our feelings with addictive behaviours such as alcohol, drugs, porn, social media scrolling and consumerism.

The corollary of this in our culture is a poorly functioning woman who is emotionally dysregulated and unable to achieve. The medical profession pathologises this woman's behaviour labelling her as disordered or mentally ill whilst reinforcing that a well put together woman is self-contained and at least emotionally stable. That is until peri-menopause when hormonal shifts can trigger mental illness in roughly 70% of women. (Royal College of Psychiatrists 2026)

Dismantling this myth will take systemic change. We can however begin right now, not with a grand transformation but by reflecting on our own rule book of behavioural values.

Here are some examples.

• Tiredness is a weakness (and therefore shameful). Replace with...I'm tired because I'm exhausted. That is being human. It is not weakness.

• I procrastinate because I'm useless, lazy and incapable of achieving. Replace with...My productivity does not define me. Some days just existing is enough.

• Taking a break to rest is a lack of commitment or laziness. Replace with...rest is rejuvenating.

• Mind over matter. Replace with...My body is speaking, I need to listen.

• Healing is self-indulgent. Productivity is what matters. Replace with... Healing is not about becoming successful. It's the freedom to get to know ourselves, grow in our unique way and to feel more alive.

  
  

These are refusals, small daily acts of resistance that out the myth of the high functioning woman. The language we use is also important, replacing its untenable assumptions of the myth with reality. We can also view rest not as a reward for being productive but as a necessary part of human growth and factor it into our days. As we begin to release ourselves from this myth we will notice it in our body, our relationships, the way we work and live our lives reflecting that our worth is not the sum of what we produce or consume.