Late discovered neurodivergent. Congratulations. Now what?

Late discovered neurodivergence is an explanation! It was not our fault, we tried as best we could. And as the mask drops we hope that we can move towards and finally live a life that we have longed for. That our guilt, shame and regret will melt away and we and the world will accept and support us for who we are.

Then when nothing changes, we feel more alone, more isolated than ever.

We are caught between two worlds the one we have believed and trusted and the emerging reality that we built our life on shaky ground. We created an illusion to live by, pushing away our own needs and hiding behind a shiny facade to show to the world. Anais Nin describes how "when one is pretending, the entire body revolts."  Our body revolted and we ignored her, continuing to live in survival mode, a state of internal chaos for decades.

Painfully the truth reveals our unlived life as we cogitate on who we could, should or would have been if only we had valued ourselves more. If only we had not succomb to societal standards and expectations, trusted our passions, talents more and listening to the needs of our body. If only we had built a life imbued with meaning rather than a daily grind or material success. It's unfair and was never our fault but now we have the terrible gift of choice. Rather than try to regulate internal tension of self-abandonment, to fully accept who we are at our core.